moved. (sidereal) wrote in jayne_simon,
moved.
sidereal
jayne_simon

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Title: Full to Bursting
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Pairing: Jayne/Simon
Rating: R, for sexual situations, swearing, and violence.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns everything. Jayne owns Simon, and vice versa.
Summary: Written for slash_100, word prompt #93 - "Break-up". There's no more room in Simon's heart for any more love, River drank it all down. Unfortunately, Jayne is there filling it to bursting again, and there's only one possible outcome - rupture. The "Make-up" fic in the table will be a sequel to this one.
Note: My Jayne/Simon slash_100 prompt table can be found here, in my userinfo.



It was late at night when it happened.

"Ungh...oh, God...Jayne..."

Simon Tam was currently pressed against the wall of Jayne Cobb's bunk, his legs wrapped around the man's waist and his arms around his neck. Jayne was pounding into him, snapping his hips up again and again and again, harder each time, slamming into Simon so roughly that the smaller man was seeing stars with every grunt that ripped itself from Jayne's throat. The mercenary had one hand wrapped in his soft black hair and his face pressed against Simon's neck, sucking and chewing happily on the tender skin there.

"Fuck, Doc..."

"Yes! Ungh, God, right there!"

Pzzzt!

Jayne stopped thrusting immediately. It took Simon a moment to register the shocked, pained look on his face, and another moment to realize that there was a dark blossom of blood spreading across his blue t-shirt at the shoulder. He untangled himself from Jayne and took a step back, horrified at what was happening, but even now his analytical doctor's mind was struggling to piece the situation together logically.

"Jayne...what's...?"

"Little bitch," Jayne hissed viciously, glaring over Simon's shouler, and the doctor turned around with a sense of impending dread. He was feeling a powerful sense of deja vu, and sure enough;

River.

"Mei-mei," he whispered, staring wide-eyed at his sister, who was still standing there holding the gun she'd shot Jayne with. "What...what have you done? Why did you do that? Give me the gun."

"He was hurting you," River said simply, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, right before Jayne launched himself at her.

"Little bitch!" he swore again, raising a hand to backhand her across the face, not seeming to care that he was naked at the moment. Simon cried out, rushing forward to grab Jayne's arm, but he shook him violently off.

"River!" Simon said loudly, hoping that his voice would diffuse the situation for his sister. "River, listen to me. Jayne wasn't hurting me..." River had been propelled backward by the force of Jayne's heavy-handed slap, and was now clutching her swollen cheek and glaring at them both.

"I can't believe you would let him," she whispered, staring at Simon with something like disgust before dropping the gun to the floor with a clang and turning to run out of the room. Simon sighed heavily, figuring that he'd deal with her later. Right now, Jayne had a bullet in his shoulder. He didn't look at him as he went to get Jayne's robe, but he couldn’t help the sudden flush of anger toward Jayne for doing what he’d done to his sister. Logically, he knew that Jayne hadn’t exactly been at fault – after all, River had gorram shot him – but he’d always felt that hot rush of fury at seeing anyone hurt his mei-mei, no matter how deserved it was. It was part of being the overprotective big brother that he was.

"Let me take you to the medical bay," he said through clenched teeth, reminding himself that Jayne was hurt right now and that he couldn’t be thinking about this. Jayne growled furiously at him when he draped the robe over his shoulders, and Simon glared him down with a surprising force.

"I don't want to hear it. We'll talk later."

"Don't you be givin' me no ruttin' attitude Simon, you 'aint got no damn right! Was your crazy bitch of a sister shot me," Jayne shot back at him, and Simon stopped in his tracks as he was leading him to the medical bay. Jayne only called him 'Simon' when he was incredibly angry at him or when they were thrusting and frantic in bed.

"Don't...she's not crazy, and she's not a bitch! She just didn't understand, she thought you were hurting me."

"Oh, she understood plenty. She was quick enough to know that you were lettin' me do that to ya, wasn't she? You're always doing that Simon, always making excuses for her. It's never mei-mei's rutting fault, gorram River can do no damn wrong. Well, guess what, Doc? Your sister's a crazy bitch!"

Simon's hand shot out before he even realized what he was doing, much like the time River had slashed a knife across Jayne's chest and he'd slapped her on reflex. The smack of his open hand slapping into Jayne's face shook him, and the sight of Jayne's cheek swelling and reddening just like River's had a few minutes ago made him a little sick. He'd never hit Jayne before. Not that Jayne was particularly hurt by the force of his slap, at least not physically. The man had at least fifty pounds and three or four inches of height on him, probably more.

Now Jayne was staring at him, seemingly ignoring the pain of the bullet wound in his shoulder. Simon closed his eyes, expecting the attack to be launched any minute now. A flurry of heavy fists and swearing, a beatdown to end them all. But when he opened his eyes, Jayne had turned his back on him and was walking away.

"I need to treat you!" Simon called after him, but Jayne said nothing, continued walking. The cold dread that settled into his stomach at no longer feeling the heat of Jayne's body near was a terrible thing. Later that night, Mal came to his bunk. River wasn't there, but Kaylee had stopped by earlier to let him know that River had asked if she could sleep with her. Simon had been lying on his back in bed since it happened, with one arm over his eyes. Thinking made it worse.

"I need to know if this is going to disrupt things on my ship," is what Mal said to him, and Simon shook his head tiredly.

"No, Mal, we'll all follow every order you give to the letter and I'm sure we all promise to play nice when we're working."

Mal's hands wrapping themselves in the fabric of his shirt made him open his eyes. The captain of Serenity was hauling him bodily into a sitting position, forcing him to look up at him.

"You gonna lay around and mope while your sister's hurt and confused like she 'aint never been before and Jayne's been slamming things around the med bay and pulling bullets outta himself, Doc? Gorramit, you're stronger than that and you know it. I know it. Don't be a fool, Simon. Go talk to them."

"This situation was not my fault," Simon said angrily, glaring up at Mal.

"No, but it's what happened. And you're a doctor, 'aint it your job to fix people? I'd say that's what this ship needs a powerful helpin' of."

"Is Jayne all right?" Simon asked, choosing to ignore the truth in Mal's statement.

"He'll live. He was cussin' a blue streak when he pulled that bullet out, but Zoe gauzed him up and gave him some of your painkillers. Wash tried to get him to get some sleep, but he's been pacing back and forth in his bunk all night, muttering to himself like a ragin' lunatic."

It was in that moment that the doorway to Simon's bunk became shadowed, and suddenly it was full of Jayne. Simon winced to see the thick gauze that was poorly applied to his wound, at least in his eyes, but said nothing. Mal looked back and forth between the two of them.

"Seems as though this is my cue to make my exit," was all he said, before slipping out as quietly as he'd come.

"Jayne," Simon started, but Jayne held up a big, callused hand.

"You're just here to listen Doc, I'll do the talkin'."

Simon fell silent.

"I can't believe it took me this long," Jayne said in a quiet voice that was unlike him, "But I finally get it now. I'll never be your 'mei-mei', Simon, I'll never...I'll never mean that much to you. Seems there's only room enough for one in your heart, and I was just the one who filled the sexual needs and occasional cuddling instinct when you felt like holding on to someone bigger'n you."

"Jayne!" Simon broke in, horrified. "You know that's not true. I care about you so much..."

"Just listen, Simon."

Simon shut up again.

"I'm okay with that. S'matter a'fact, I'm glad I could be that person for you when you needed it. But you took her side Simon, both times when she went all moony and hurt me. Both times, you acted like she hadn't done nothin' wrong when I was the one bleedin'. And I finally realize now, that this 'aint gonna work. No matter how bad she hurts me, how much of you she takes away from me, it'll always be all about her and never all about us. I can respect that Doc, I know that your sister will always come first with you. But I can't accept it. So. It's over. I'm done."

Simon was about to protest, about to insist that he loved Jayne just as much as he did River, but in the end, he knew.

"It's not about who I love the most," he said quietly, understanding. "It's about who takes up the most of me. And you're right, that has to be River. At least for the time being. It probably always will be."

"You're a good man, Doc. A selfless man. But I happen to be a selfish man, and one who won't just wait around for you to pay me a lil' attention whenever yer sister's not around. But don't you worry, I 'aint gonna sell you out to the feds or nothin'. This 'aint about hurt feelings or revenge anymore. I'm just done."

"I know," Simon said, and Jayne paused, as if he was going to reach out and touch his face one last time, but then he shook his head and turned to leave the bunk. River came back in the middle of the night with tears running down her face, feeling Simon's pain as acutely as he felt it.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she whimpered, clinging to him under the blankets as he stared up at the ceiling and stroked her hair. "It's all my fault, if I understood more, if I was better, he wouldn't have left you. I take up too much of you, I'm a selfish bitch. A crazy, selfish bitch. I drank down all your love," she wrapped her arms around him and cried against his chest.

"No, mei-mei. You're not any of those things. I love you," he said into her soft brown hair, feeling as empty and aching as he had in those early days when he'd first realized how he felt for Jayne. His big, beautiful killer. His violent, crude, secretly tender mercenary, the man who had almost filled his heart to bursting with all the love he'd stirred in him.

The only problem was, it had already been full to begin with.

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